Purpose in the Pause: Part 1 (Self-Care)

If you are reading this post I want to say thank you. Often when we see the word “self-care” we have a tendency to avoid the subject due to the vulnerable nature of the word or the fact that we are too prideful to admit that we need it. In my opinion, self-care is essential as we navigate the PAUSE (see previous post). But before I delve into my take-away on the matter, let me give you some context with a snapshot of my life for the past three months.

This past May I was let go from my job. I won’t go into all the details, but I will say that my employer and I came to a mutual agreement of termination. I tend to tell people that it was a “business decision,” which usually communicates the nature of the separation. Still, with the past decade of moral failure and criminal offenses in the local church speculation is expected. But please let me clarify that was not the case for me or my employer.

Regardless, as someone who has served in the local church for the past eleven years, served in some capacity on a Sunday morning, this new norm was a hard adjustment. My mind swirled with questions of how I would provide for my family, do I belong in the local church, what did I do wrong, where do I fit in, and essentially what’s next. I felt like a failure, a disappointment, and ultimately broken in spirit.

As I stood in the pause in what I would consider a dense fog, I was unable to clearly see where I had come from nor where I was going. So I was left with a choice. Do I stand still or take a step?

I recently came across a worship song by Pat Barrett (writer of Good Good Father) titled “Into Faith I Go,” that gave me some direction. The lyrics go as follow…

I’ve never been good at change
If I’m honest it’s always scared me
But I can’t deny this stirring deep inside me
And I know it’s time to stop resisting
‘Cause I’m not getting any younger
Fear is such a sad way to live a life
So, face to the wind, I’m jumping out, I’m walking in
Every single thing You want to show me

To the ups and downs
The highs and lows
The taking in
The letting go
To tears and laughter
The great unknown
To the open journey
Into faith I go

Nobody said this would be easy
Anyone who did never went through anything painful
But faith is not some fragile thing that shatters when we walk through something hard
So, we walk on
Whatever may come

Running like a child in an open field
Stepping off the edge, I’m facing all my fears
If this is what it feels like to be born again
I’ll be born again

So, when I feel like giving up
When I feel like throwing it all away I look back over my shoulder
And I can see Your goodness every single step that I have taken
And it beats like a drum
And it rings like a bell
And it sings like a choir
And it’s leading me on my way
Oh, You lead me on my way

So into faith I went, and what I have learned in the pause has been so formative. If I had to boil down what I have learned thus far on the journey it would best be summarized in these 5 principles:

1.) Make a choice. You can either sit in your despair with a guarantee that nothing will happen or make the decision to take a step into the unknown and trust that God will lead you out of the fog.

2.) Pray. God is always accessible. Don’t feel that your words are wasted on His listening ear. Share your lament, because He loves you.

3.) Seek counsel. This could be your spouse, a trusted friend, a support group, or a licensed counselor. Regardless of who you choose, this person(s) should have your best interest in mind and is able to speak truth in a loving and convicting way into your situation.

4.) Find community. Surround yourself with peers who bring encouragement and joy to your life. These are the people who help you have fun, make you laugh, and ultimately help you thrive in life in general.

5.) Do a project. Whether you like to re-finish furniture, craft, or train for an adventure race, there’s something about a work in progress that has an end result that is good for the soul. I have actually found that playing Legos with my daughter as something fulfilling.

I hope you have found this helpful. I pray that you do not neglect yourself. Trust that God is with you in the pause.

Please join me for Part 2 of this segment of posts as I reflect on what I have learned about marriage during this season.